Ranking the Movies of Star Wars

These are my own quirky rankings of all twelve (yes even the animated one) Star Wars movies. I’m not sure that anyone else will agree with them, but that is quite alright.

Just remember, the force will be with you, always.

12. Episode II: Attack of the Clones

Cons: An awful movie, confusing, terrible lines, awful romance.

Pros: Umm I guess we get the Clones in this one, and without them we don’t get the Clone Wars show.

11. Star Wars: The Clone Wars

Again, this movie is terrible, almost indefensibly so. Except it wasn’t supposed to be made, George Lucas just wanted to flex with the new animation technology he had.

The only reason it is above Attack of the Clones is because we get Ahsoka, who really sucks in this movie, but has evolved into one of the best characters in any story.

10. Episode I: The Phantom Menace

This is the last of the bad Star Wars movies, the rest are all watchable and entertaining, any rewatch of the series will lead to me rearranging the next nine movies. Well, except Empire.

Anyway, Phantom Menace is another mess, but the podracing scene is pretty cool, Darth Jar Jar is definitely real, Liam NEESONS is a Jedi, and most importantly Obi Wan vs Darth Maul.

Obi Wan vs Maul gives us Duel of the Fates an absolute banger, and eventually lets us get Maul’s Clone Wars and Rebels arcs.

9. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

Listen, I know people love Rogue One, I find it unbearably cheesy. A cold blooded murderer says with a straight face “rebellions are built on hope”. This is a very Star Wars saying sure, but it is so lame!

Anyway, I can only tell you the names of Saw Gerrera because of his memes, and Cassian (Something) because he’s getting his own show. Now, I’m not going to lie to you, I can actually tell you all their names, because I’m a diligent blogger and looked them up, but before that, I couldn’t have.

Maybe I’m being unfair, I’ve only seen Rogue One once, but that is because I’ve only wanted to watch it once.

I remember a cheesy movie, with forgettable characters, and a few cool scenes. Fat F for the blind guy though. RIP in Peace.

8. Episode IV: A New Hope

Without A New Hope, there is no Star Wars and everything that came after it. The effects were incredible for their time, and for the most part, hold up relatively well today.

But watching it today, it’s a little hokey… and dare I say, a little boring?

Don’t get me wrong, I love this movie, but it is definitely my least favorite of what I’d call the good Star Wars movies.

7. Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker

I really enjoy this movie until I start thinking about it. I’ve only seen it once, so I don’t have a lot to say on it yet.

I absolutely hate the Rey and Kylo kiss, and Chewie should have stayed dead. But there are some really cool things. I actually have a ton of problems with this movie, but it’s fun, it’s enjoyable and Palpatine is having an absolute blast.

6. Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

Pretty, pretty, pretty good. Everything up until they actually save Han from Jabba is awesome. The battle between Vader and Luke in front of the Emperor is incredible.

Everything else? Kinda meh.

5. Episode VIII: The Last Jedi

There are parts of this movie I absolutely love, and visually it is stunning. I don’t really mind a lot of the things that got everyone on the internet all fired up.

I just think maybe the movie should have been darker? And definitely streamline it.

Listen, I get that tons and tons of people get killed, and that the galaxy refuses the call of Leia Organa, and that Luke dies, and that we see war profiteering and slavery, and animal abuse.

The movie itself is dark. But the ending? LAME!

“We have everything we need”. Well, golly, we have fifteen people and a lady with like four days of Jedi training against the military power in the galaxy.

4. Solo: A Star Wars Story

I loved Solo. It’s fun, my man Alden Ehenreich is lowkey crushing it as well as anyone not named Harrison Ford could have as Han Solo, Woody Harrelson is having a ball, and Emilia Clarke looks amazing.

Plus we get my man Paul Bettany just chewing up scenes, and MAUL!!!!!!!!

Give me a Solo sequel series on Disney+, even if they have to jettison the titular character. Give me the gritty criminal underworld of Star Wars, give me Maul’s criminal empire.

3. Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

I’m surprised by this too. This may be entirely, entirely too high. Decent chance this is all going off of the battle between Anakin and Obi Wan.

But come on! That fight is incredible.

2. Episode VII: The Force Awakens

This may be controversial, but I love the Force Awakens. I think it brilliantly threads the needle of old and new.

Sure, it is very, very similar to A New Hope, but I think it establishes itself on its own as well. Finn and Rey are awesome characters, and it isn’t this movie’s fault that the next two films botched them.

The new characters have amazing chemistry, and mix nicely with Han Solo especially. Plus, it wasn’t lame for Kylo to wear the mask in this one.

For my money, this is the best Star Wars movie of the 21st century, and definitely feels the most like Star Wars to me.

1. Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

I don’t think there is anything I can say about Empire that hasn’t been said. It is unequivocally, the best Star Wars movie of them all.

Plus, it gave us the best Battlefront map.