|Image Courtesy Marvel Studios for Thor: Ragnarok|
The Norse Debate
A One Act Play
The throne room lounge on Mount Olympus
SETTING: We are in the lounge of the throne room on Mount Olympus. ZEUS is staring out the window, apparently dejected. HERA enters.
Well, his eyes are as blue as the Seas when Poseidon holds them still, his smile could relaunch the Trojan War, and simply put, he looks as if though we created him ourselves in all our divine wisdom.
There! You see, clearly Thor is more handsome than Loki!
Out with it.
(Hera has moved to sit on a couch, and now smiles softly)
(more forcefully now)
Simply, Loki is more handsome than Thor.
But what about everything you said?
While Thor’s eyes may be as blue as your brother’s domain, Loki’s are as beautiful as the Skies you rule on their clearest day. And Loki is more the creation of our Muse’s than us less artistic god’s.
Summon the nine remaining Olympians to the throne room. It is a matter of the utmost importance.
End of Scene One
The throne room on Mount Olympus
SETTING: The 12 Olympian Gods are seated on their thrones, arranged in a horseshoe pattern in the throne room. Each throne is customized to match the respective god’s domain.
Now that everyone is settled, it is time to sort this matter we have at hand.
And just what might this incredibly important matter be my King?
(not catching the sarcasm)
Thank you for asking Brother. As I’m sure you all know, those infernal Norse gods have ANOTHER movie coming out this day.
(a general annoyed grumble is heard from the assembled Olympians)
And, while discussing this fact with my wife, I came to learn that she finds Loki to be more handsome than Thor. While I have issue with Thor’s abilities as a thunder god, his handsomeness is-
You did mention his muscles, right?
OF COURSE! Now, as I was saying, his handsomeness cannot be impeached. What is worse than my wife’s foolishness, is that our very own Aphrodite, the Goddess of beauty no less, shares her ridiculous opinion.
And what would you have us do Father?
Why isn’t it obvious brother? Our Lord Zeus believes that a vote of our council will favor him, and that we will find Thor to be a more handsome god than Loki.
Well he is!
You seriously summoned us all here for this!? I was overseeing the building of a temple in my honor!
I AM YOUR KING AND IF I DETERMINE THIS IS MORE IMPORTANT, THAN IT IS MORE IMPORTANT.
(does breathing exercise to calm down)
So, here’s how it’s going to be. Each of us will cast a vote, and at the end we will know,who is the more handsome god, Thor or Loki.
Enough! The voting will begin now. Cast your vote, and only your vote, starting from the left.
Yes you, vote!
I can’t believe we agree on anything, but Thor.
As you all know, Loki.
(with a knowing smile)
(a small, knowing smile touches her face as well)
(pausing, waiting for all heads to be turned towards him)
Surely this cannot be! Surely six on this council are not foolish enough to find Loki a more handsome god than Thor!
(thinking, then reaching an epiphany)
Aha! Rick, summon Hades!
(a dark cloud of smoke fills the room and HADES suddenly appears)
Uh, well yes, well um, you see-
If I may, Uncle, my Father, our King, has summoned you here to settle our little debate.
And, what exactly is this little matter of debate?
Well, Lord Zeus has deigned it worth our time to determine whether Thor or Loki is the more handsome god.
THIS, this is the important matter you summoned me for!? This is what you Olympians do all day, while I toil in the Underworld, determining what becomes of the dead?
(embarrassed, but determined)
Brother, another of your sacred duties is to resolve matters when this council’s deliberations have resulted in a tie. We ask you to resolve this matter with no further discussion.
I see. May I ask, who you voted for, my Lord?
Why Thor of course! He is as muscled as my son Heracles-
(glancing to Hera)
Sorry dear, and as dashing as the clouds I reign over.
(exchanging a meaningful glance with Poseidon)
Well than, my King. I must say that there is no other choice than Loki.
HOW CAN YOU SAY SUCH A THING?
His eyes are as wonderful as the sapphire my realm produces, and his smile electric enough that my wife has made me binge The Night Manager with her. I must admit it is quiet good.
Well, then I suppose there is nothing more I can do. Hermes!
(with a sigh)
Let it be known that it is the official opinion of the Olympian Council that (another sigh) Loki, is a more handsome god than Thor.
End of Scene Two